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I did start feeling better¾ much, much better. That is when I saw that love is the answer. This I still believe. But I had much to learn. I went soaring into the clouds and experienced what seemed to be the opposite of depression. I was high. I was sleeping little. I always slept some, though. I spent a lot of money, bounced checks, and had grandiose thoughts. The energy was incredible. I felt so good. In retrospect, however, I see that I was not peaceful. I was very short-tempered. If someone crossed me I often raged in anger at them. My biggest fights were with my parents, especially my mother, who was the one who left the house before the divorce. Anger which had been capped for years finally blew the lid off. I was very judgmental and had a hard time trying to stop talking. I felt extremely virile and felt no fear in approaching women. I met women very easily. It was hard for my parents and friends to cope with me, so I experienced a lot of rejection.

I was diagnosed with manic depression (bipolar disorder) in a ten minute interview with a psychiatrist provided by the school I was trying to re-enter. Looking back, it is clear that I did have the classic symptoms of what was called manic depression. Whether the interview lasted ten minutes or two hours, I believe the conclusion would have been the same, since they only looked at my behavioral symptoms. During depressions of other years, several other psychiatrists came to the same conclusion. They were convinced that it was a chemical imbalance and didn't look for any underlying reasons. They didn’t look for causes: such as coming from a dysfunctional family system, being the child of a divorce, destructive methods of communication in the family, abandonment, improper nurturing, problems dealing with anger in the family, a generally unhealthy psychological living environment, etc., that might have caused the behavior I was exhibiting. I don't like labels, and much of my healing has come because of a refusal to accept the label called manic-depression. However, my healing might have never come if I had not eventually realized that there was a problem. I did have a certain type of extreme behavior—and thinking—and I did need help.

After working on my healing for a long period of time, I visited psychiatrists and therapists for less severe problems. The psychiatrists and therapists I went to said I was not a manic depressive. (One might say they undiagnosed me). Beware of labels. Don't accept a label! Labels are hard to get rid of. Do accept a diagnosis from a competent person (doctor or therapist) if they say that healing is needed. If you have been labeled, de-emphasize it. You are not a label. You are a person! Now¾ back to my story.

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